Hey readers. Hahaha I’d have to be so pompous to even imagine anyone reads this with any regularity. Like, “Oh, he’s posted on his blog again! Must read NOW!” I’m realistic. I know I have a teeny reach but nothing to the point of “subscribers” or “fans”.
Anyway enough self-deprication. What I’m really here to write about is my upcoming journey and its implications, and the reason I write.
Firstly, my upcoming journey. Are you ready? Los Angeles, look out, cause I’m coming baaaack!!! Would L.A. be fine without me? Sure, but the world is falling apart and I’d love to be where I love when it all goes down. I mean, “it” is currently going down, but you know. In case things get REALLY bad in November I’d love to be near many friends I miss and love. But my main reason for moving back (besides the incredible weather) is the work I’ve convinced myself to pursue. CREATIVE WORK.
“But Doug” you say, “aren’t you homeless?”
Yeah, so fucking what? Lots of people were homeless before they hit. Before they “popped”. Well guess what, this gestating pimple is ripe & ready to pop!
I’ll need to find work. Which, Spotify (if you’re reading this), I’ve tried and tried to apply to your job openings and your website must be broken or your third party whatever you use. So, here:
My podcast You And Me And Thoughts And Talk with Doug Culp is up to 343 consecutive episodes. I’ve even rrleased while honeless, coded my own website, and I’ve had on many guests who have Netflix specials, HBO specials, and who have TV shows on the air right now (Baron Vaughn, Melissa Villaseñor, Kate Flannery, Adam Lustick, Jackie Kashian, and many more!) I’m my own sound engineer, host, and producer.
I’m 16 episodes into my second podcast Star Trek Enterpods (a Star Trek Enterprise watch-a-long podcast with me and my dad).
I’m 3 episodes into my 3rd podcast I Am Doug Rich (a watch-a-long podcast for the FX series The Riches).
I’m 3 episodes into my 4th podcast My Ideas (usually shorter eps about my ideas on a certain topic).
I’m overqualified for this position, ehich is why you should hire me for it.
Full disclosure, I’m moving back to L.A. from Utah where I’ve been toiling since last September (it’s a pretty short story but I can tell you that later).
Anyway I look forward to working for you. Your platform seems to have a great rhythm going.
Now that that’s out of the way (oh yeah Earwolf, SIR, Headgum, Stitcher, if you see this, consider me available to work for you as well).
Now, now that that’s out of the way, I wanna talk about why I write.
I’ve always enjoyed a great story. Though I, myself, hardly ever read any books (this is true, I’ve read a handful and very occasionally will find another one I like but I find I usually read kinda slowly and tend to fall asleep to whatever I’m reading, or I get bored and move onto a different activity) I’ve loved writing for as long as I can remember. From writing songs in high school to get out of singing any of the “okayed” songs in high school choir, to sometimes writing my crazy dreams down, to how much I’ve journaled, to the 40+ songs I’ve written, to the 13 original scripts I’ve written, to this very blog!
I’ve cooked up a fun post-pandemic movie starring Jemaine Clement or possibly Taika, perhaps Rhys, Bret…anyway I don’t know if they’d work with me but it should be funny and dark. I’ve already started writing it.
I have been writing my autobiography, and it’s called LDFS: Growing Up Mormon, Discovering Weed At 30, And Then Getting Lyme Disease. Sometimes I go back into it and go “Whoa, I forgot I wrote that!” or “Yep, perfectly worded.”
I’ve started two other books “The Great American Novelist” and “Ex”.
One of the scripts I mentioned (see above) is this sci-fi show that takes place far in the future, and global warming has increased to “MURDERED by the sun”, so the government has decided to give away a synthetic skin which will allow people to go out into the sun again without any harmful effects. I’ve got a Mulder & Scully team, a daughter character who longs to bathe in the sunlight, and a government conspiracy.
INT. HOUSE – DAY
PSYCH I’m not printing any of the script here, but HBO, FX, AMC, TNT hit me up.
Anyway I live in a van and I’m embarking on a journey back to L.A. to continue to tell stories. I’ll be telling my story, cause this homelessness isn’t the end for me.
I plan on running a 5-fold business that is going to knock your prospective genitals (or lack thereof) off!!
I also still have that plan to end all homelessness.
Gonna start my gofundme back up again but, until then, if you’re able to donate to my homeless ass, I’d very much appreciate it.
P.S. Please share this. Tweet it, RT it, post it on facebook, twitter, IG, tumblr, StumbleUpon, FourSquare, AskJeeves, myspace, geocities, etc.
P.P.S. If you’d rather pay for some art and just have that instead of a straight up donation, I’ve got original music:
I’ve got original art for sale printed on almost anything here: