Chronicles of “A Homeless” Pt. 1

Hey, I’m back. It’s been, I dunno, 95 days? I’m prob wrong but don’t wanna check the actual day amount yet. I’ll do that once I’m in a new place, ending homelessness for the whole world, and writing a book about my life (LDFS: Growing up Mormon, Discovering Weed at 30, and then Getting Lyme Disease” already in progress) and writing/starring in the sketch show me and Brodie Reed are writing, amongst many other projects I have written/drawn/composed/etc.

I’m early to this show tonight. It starts at 10, and I probably will have a hard time finding a parking spot for the night  but I also might get booked on this show to spruce up my Lyme Disease and homelessness material.

Life’s been weird the past however many days.

The main thing I wanted to address is a nice, neighborly friend Ned Kat.

Kat has a bf so it’s not going there. She has, however, offered to bring me food.

The first time she offered, I politely said “I’m all right, I’ve got a couple slices of leftover pizza left so-” “Are you sure? Warm meal, it’ll be better than cold pizza.” “Okay, sure, thanks!” I said. “I’m gonna head to the gas station and grab a soda real quick.” “If you’re not back before I come back I’ll just leave it on your car.”

I took off, a bounce in my step, beaming all the way to the Gas n’ Sip. A Dr. Pepper and KING SIZE Nutrageous in hand (don’t pay $1.50 for regular size, 50¢ more and you’ve got a King Size) I ended up getting back to the car at the same time as Kat.

She had a Vons shopping bag, furniture of food! Not only was there a warm meal (pasta+toast+avocado+chicken+hardboiled egg)  but she’d included a few La Croix, a plate of fruit, seaweed snacks, apples…I was stunned. Happily stunned, but still stunned. This girl doesn’t know me from anyone else in the world, yet she saw that I’d clearly been sleeping in my car  and offered to help.

I thanked her, lifted the car-tent flap, and entered my temporary home. I cried, uncontrollably, for like 20 minutes. I’m so grateful, even now, welling up as I write this.

I took a while to eat the pasta, as is Lyme Disease tradition of difficulty eating, cried a little more, watched The Late Show with Stephen Colbert + The Late Late Show with James Corden, then slept.

Day 2. Kat sees me and offers something warm for the chilly nights. “I politely declined, saying I had my Ninja Turtle comforter (I got like 20 yrs ago at a St. Vincent de Paul) and some hoodies. She returned to the car after a little bit saying” I know you said ‘no’, but I made you a plate of food anyway. Along with the plate, this time, we’re paper towels, butt wipes (which I LOVE. Treat your assholes right!), a sweater, more delicious pasta (w/sliced grape tomatoes, quinoa, meat), La Croix, veggies.

I thanked her again, this time with a hug, and when she left I cried again. Mind you these are tears of gratefulness. Don’t know if you’ve felt that, but I highly recommend it. I watched Colbert & Corden again, smoked some resin hits from my skull bong (Skully & Smolder) and passed out for the night.

Day 3. Kat came back, the very next day, and brought me a plate of pasta w/meat, then a tall can of Coca-Cola Classic!

I’m welcome somewhere. It’s not my home, but it’s a nice respite from the norm of being ignored OR looked at with a slant. She and her boyfriend accepted me, and probably still will, if I go back to that street (I’m going back, it’s a good spot with no street sweeping).

The parking spots there are not always available. The Gas n’ Sip has bathrooms where I can shit, and I’m near an arcade where I’ve been boning up on Robotron: 2084 and Charley Chuck’s Food Fight. (I made the permanent high score board on Robotron the other day! No. 32 of 40 all-time high scores on that machine). I’ve gotten good at it. Ernie Cline mentions it in Ready Player One  Figured I’d show I’m a real gamer by gaming. I don’t have access to my PC or internet, so I gotta go old-school.

Gonna record ep 219 of #YAMATAT aka #YouAndMeAndThoughtsAndTalkwithDougCulp aka @yamatat (twitter/IG) http://www.yamatat.com/podcast.html tonight or tomorrow. Ep will drop on Friday.

I love you guys. Thanks for reading, as always.

I hope to get the ball rolling more on my plan to #EndALLHomelessness. I’m going to keep entertaining till I expire.

Off to take advantage of the free toilet in this venue and then to see the free show!

Later y’all. Be well.

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