For the rest of my life

Hey, the world is ending, polar vortex and crazy weather, many assholes in the white house, and many more people trying to keep everyone entertained in the meantime.

I don’t know how much longer I’ve got. Few people do. I know that for the rest of my life, I seek/hope to entertain, smoke every strain, relieve every pain, toss those rhymes right down the drain. Let me explain.

I’m not sure how active the site still is, or if it’s just the shoddy wifi that won’t allow me to stay connected, but I’ve been pretty dedicated to Meet & Greet.

Whenever I earn (hardly ever) a portion is required to go to charity. I think this is my own personal patreon/kickstarter drip/Stitcher Premium.

I’d love to LIVE for everyone every day, but I don’t set a schedule for when I broadcast so you’ll have to be following me and actually want to see the chats and maybe even call in. Oh yeah, there’s a call-in function and it’s free till I decide it’s not anymore (currently have the FREE CALLS set up for 3 and then it charges people, but the most calls I’ve gotten in one session was ONE!).

I just caught up on The Good Place. That show is awesome! And there’s a The Good Place The Podcast with some fun and insightful moments!

Where was I? The world is ending and we’re seeing the United States of America be slowly turned into a weird pre-Russia. Can’t trust every news source. Going to late night television for stories of what’s going on in the world. And if not that, TWITTER and FACEBOOK!

Stay safe everyone in the polar vortex and in inclement weather! I’m currently fortunate enough to have a roof over my head while the rain pounds down outside.

They know me at Taco Bell. They knew me at Rally’s (in Glendale, RIP).

Gonna take a second to talk about Rally’s. If your town has one, then you have the best fries in the world (some regions it’s Checker’s). They have great dollar menu mix n’ match, their spicy chicken is fucking great, and their shakes are good too. I usually go with a mix of strawberry/banana and it is sugary and delicious! Their commercials were great. Usually someone pulling off some street skate tricks with an easy rap in the background. “Ya gotta eat! What are you doin?…”

I found this cereal called Shreds. It’s basically Shredded Wheat “BLASTED” with flavor. There’s a Cinnamon Toast Crunch one, which looks awesome!) and the one I got from the dollar store is Peanut Butter Chocolate (not specific to any cereal, just says peanut butter chocolate). Its’ REALLY good, and I bet it’s awesome with milk! I can’t really dedicate any more mini-fridge space to something like milk. It would also involve having to find a water solution to wash my bowl and spoon, and I don’t have plumbing.

No shit…when you need to shit…a toilet’s legit.

I have a shitload of shows I wanna make, movies I wanna make, fonts I wanna make, video games I wanna make, music I wanna make, podcasts I wanna make, pot shops I wanna make, ending homelessness I wanna make.

Help me make it all.

Venmo: Doug-Culp

I mean I guess, in a way, this site (my blog) is also my patreon/kickstarter drip/stitcher premium, cause I don’t have to scratch off to mama & papa website. Cause I made my own and also the meet & greet thing!

Also Twitch, follow me there (and you can tip too!). I usually play video games and either destroy, die, or somewhere in between!

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Don’t Forget To Bring A Towel



P.S. Venmo: Doug-Culp

P.P.S. How long am I gonna entertain? For the rest of my life.

P.P.P.S. My #podcast #YAMATAT aka #YouAndMeAndThoughtsAndTalkwithDougCulp aka is at episode 265. Listen, rate 5 stars, review & chill?

Writing on Writing and Writing

Stupid title right…or is it AWESOME?! It’s all right. I’ll write. All riot. Small fight.

I have fun writing. I don’t know if you could tell by the way I address everyone, small footnotes (in parentheses) or “BIG ONES” in quotes. I’m trying to convey my most honest self by trying to put my ego on the shelf. It’s tough. I haven’t figured it out; Not enough. It’s just stuff. We’re all living in the rough. This isn’t “fluff”. Trying my best not to take no guff.

The reason I’m writing YOU today, is to talk about writing, my upcoming stand-up tour “Duplex Comedy Suplex: The Lyme Disease Awareness Tour” aka “DCS the LDAT”, and whatever else I wanna pepper in here. It’s my blog. I will treat it as though I had a free will to write what I feel.

Writing can be fun. It can also be torture. If you’re sitting down and forcing yourself to write, the best stuff might not fall out. It might, but it also might not. That’s fine. Whatever you write isn’t gonna be your BEST thing every time. If you’re being your most sincere self while capitulating and pontificating, then you did your best and that’s what matters. Whether people like what you wrote or not is completely up to them.

Lately opinion has felt VERY much like a group-think mentality. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes catastrophic, and sometimes sad.

The Wolverine was a movie about Logan battling with the idea of losing his power SO THAT HE COULD FINALLY DIE. Everyone shit on this movie. Even people who liked it only “kinda” liked it, so as to avoid chastising from “the masses”. No one wants to be THE ONE who thought that movie was good, or that song was great, or that artist was really artistic. Everyone keeps to themselves more and more these days.

Example. I’m a little high right now. I’m sitting in this cafe wherein I ordered a dope-ass delicious carrot cake cupcake. I made a little small talk at the register, just saying I was gonna get some writing done. She seemed taken aback that I spoke more than just ordering my stuff and leaving.

People are in a hurry way more today than ever before. Even if it’s to GET HOME to WATCH A SHOW or to just BE at home. People rush, especially on the road, and I’ve been doing some light yelling and bad-driver shaming when people drive like assholes. I’ve turned into a living governor of your car. If you’re driving REALLY fast on a road that’s like 30-40, I will be the SLOW-ASS in front of you preventing your destruction of some person or some other car. The shaming comes from the PRONOUNCED *THUMBS UP* I give as I’m passing, as we end up stopped at the same street light after you were speeding, there are many examples. Anyway if you notice any of this street justice happening, a tip of the hat or a Venmo: Doug-Culp would be amazing. I feel like I’m on a one-man mission to shame people into driving more considerately.

“But Doug, what if they’re driving to the hospital for an emergency?!”

I don’t know that they’re not, but I DO know that people on the road should drive safely, and they’re avoiding it more and more. A couple weeks ago I was driving down a 2-lane road where the right lane ends because of parked cars. Shamed the hell out of him for almost hitting pedestrians going through a crosswalk, all because he wanted to pass me on the right. (I feel like I’ve told some iteration of this story on my blog or on twitter, so I’ll abbreviate it here).

So, writing. Tangents are fun. They happen. Writing is torturous when “I don’t feel like writing.” Sometimes I just need to unplug, plug in, and watch a show or listen to a podcast. I’m listening right now to my playlist of Blind Pilot – 3 Rounds And A Sound (10-yr anniversary of this album just hit this year! Me and Tyler saw them play at The Casbah one time and it was fucking awesome and dancing was had the whole time. They brought Tyler on-stage to play the tambourine!), Childish Gambino – Awaken, My Love (all the way through. I don’t shuffle. Sometimes I’ll switch full abums mid-album, but that’s usually if it’s on a loop and the whole album has restarted. Been on Childish since Camp. Y’all see the Donald Glover SNL? If you haven’t…watch it. It’s funny AF), Neutral Milk Hotel – In The Aeroplane Over The Sea (my friend Amanda VanValkenburg turned me onto them. We met at church back when I lived near Cincinnati. Gummibear song came on in the theater after Juno ended).

So writing, or fighting the urge to quit writing. I’m going on tour soon. How much am I’m going to do onstage? I’m headlining, folks. 45 min~1hr! Bend, OR! I’ve got tons of topics to talk it and I’ll be doing some idea-honing IKEA-owning effort-phoning human-cloning, delicate boning? Cause of the Lyme Disease. It rhymes with ease. Eating meunster cheese, or extra sharp cheddar, it’s got that *WING* *WING*, it’s better. Here’s the header: Doug is rapping people clapping fingers snapping wires tapping to the beat. You’re all moving in your seat. No retreat; no defeat. Can we meet?

I have this pilot script about a homeless vigilante who gets street justice on bad drivers. It’s called Roofless. YOU WANT TO SEE THIS.

I finished another pilot script a couple days ago about how our entire known universe is a simulation. YOU WANT TO READ THIS.

AMC, FX, Syfy, HBO, hmu.

I’m self-represented so it would literally have to be some exec messaging me on some platform cause I’m a harder guy to get a hold of. I’m always on the move cause I’m sleeping in my car. It’s only been 6 months, but I’ve gotten pretty far. I booked that tour, it’s gonna pay, this’ll be my best gig to this day, Haven’t much been able to say what I want at some of the comedy mainstays. Main stage. That’s me. Theater show, we’ll see how it goes, because nobody KNOWS. It’ll be fun to run my material done, eat some cereal at the multi-continental breakfast. Gonna get a little wrecked, pissed, in the drunk way but with weed. The stage a knight and I its steed. Hope somebody says “I pee’d” when I heard you, man I don’t deserve you. You’re being so nice full of sugar and slice me a tomato, sandwich when I’m all deflate-o, need some nourishment I fade-o, can we mess around with Play-doh?

I was gonna go through some of my old jokes and make fun of them, but you get the picture. Writing can be hard, it can be fun, it can be strenuous, till it’s all done. But it’s never ALL done. I wanna keep writing till I’m in the ground.

I don’t get paid for this, writing, yet.

Venmo: Doug-Culp

Please never forget, about me. Here’s more links.

You And Me And Thoughts And Talk with Doug Culp

Some drawings!

Instagram @dougathan

Twitter @dougathan

Original MUSIC!