wAIt

Hey everyone, it’s been more than a few days since I posted last. I wanna talk about AI aka Artificial Intelligence aka the thing I’m letting my phone do while using predictive text and word-guessing to be able to more efficiently communicate.

Our ability to fast track our lives has been made easier too. “Okay Google, make a fart noise.” “Alexa, play the burp from Elf.” “Hey Siri, go fuck yourself.”

“I’m not sure how to help you with ‘Go fuck myself'”.

“I’m not sure I understood that.”

AI is smart, and it’s only gonna get smarter. It’s already made most of us into WALL-E lite. Most of us have our whole lives at our fingertips  and ha e our phone in our hands at all times. I, myself, am re-watching Breaking Bad #ReBreakingBad, while writing this. Picture-in-picture is SO awesome. It’s also an attention puller. Technology is accommodating for us instead of us building technology to do what we need.

AI is going to make it into those robotic animals with the unstoppable balance from Boston Dynamics. It’s only a matter of time, too, before America adopts the “people-rating” bullshit from Black Mirror, that China’s already implemented.

This shit with these “Incels” is fucked up. Their solution to their lack of sex is sex robots.

Check it out. Sex robots are a thing. People are going to buy them. They’ll be full of AI, reassuring fucked up behaviors, giving ideas, and maybe even becoming sentient & demanding our subservience.

Terminator. I, Robot. T2: Judgment Day. T3: Rise of the Machines. Terminator Salvation. Terminator Genisys, Terminatir: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, others.

Weve made so many movies about AI taking over and becoming too smart to need humans anymore.

The app for McDonald’s, where it’s like “You don’t have to talk to anyone. Pick it up whenever you arrive.” Impatience. This wi see a rise of a new type of asshole (which we’ve seen more and more of in these last few yrs) who believe they’re entitled to everything RIGHT NOW since the technology exists.

Patience is already gone with people not being able to sit through the damn fucking credits of anything! Some fucking stupid-ass next to me left Infinity War while saying “Looks like there’s not gonna be anything.” Guess what, motherfucker. There WAS! There’s even an app to let you know if whichever movie you’re seeing has a scene after the credits! Great! Increase the impatience!

How about people who can’t wait through the intro? Breaking Bad intro is like 10 seconds, there’s still an option to skip it! The True Blood intro, Dexter, I get it. Long intros on a binge…there’s another symptom of impatience. “I gotta binge it all right now!!”

I’ve done it. I do it. Stranger Things? Black Mirror? Breaking Bad was one of the FIRST shows I binged, and that was before it made it to Netflix! Let’s say it was on a Tivo.

Listen, some of you won’t have made it this far in this blog post without having checked your phone for other notifications, checked the time, or maybe you didn’t even make it this far down!

Sometimes I feel like my phone is loading on a 56k modem. Depending on the area  depending on wifi  depending on many things. There’s a phone plan called Project Fi. I had it for a bit. It’s contingent on wifi hotspots all over the city. Pay per GB of data upfront, and get a return on what you didn’t use. Sometimes, when you’re at a Starbucks or somewhere, the phone will go into wifi automatically. FREE HOTSPOTS! That’s the thing though. How fast is their wifi? How many people are on it? How often are you out and about to places with hotspots? I ended up paying over almost every month, because our phones are always running.

Apps run and collect data in the background, at all times. Auto-update on apps. Tinder, happn, Bumble, Futurama: Worlds of Tomorrow, Pot Farm: Grass Roots, Feeld, there Re so many! Data-saver mode helps with that a little, but not enough. I switched to an unlimited everything plan. I’m barely able to afford it, but it’s much better than being “data scared” especially since I’m now near wifi, only sometimes, as I’m sleeping in my car most nights.

I smoked some resin earlier. I’m gonna smoke some more. I’m out of green, so I’ll smoke the leftovers. It still works. About to go to bed, too.

Dont let AI be in complete control of everything you do. Don’t ha e your eyes glued to your GPS while you’re driving. Do keep a journal (physical or digital). Do read. Hang out with friends and talk in person. Smoke weed. Listen to albums from beginning to end (shuffle will kill your attention span if it hasn’t already). Give the radio a break. Fuck radio.

Bye.

Venmo: Doug-Culp

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Too Many Unrelatable Problems

I’m back!

I’ve got a theory, and this hypothesis has been heavily tested by me, in my homeless aka Roofless state.

Folks without homes sometimes scream/yell out, seemingly at nothing/no one.

When you’re living on the street, whether it be in a car, in a tent, in a car-tent, or on the street proper, there are many problems one has which are unrelatable to the fortunate.

The fortunate have never thought about being homeless, because they’ve got a built-in support system.

Must be NICE to just get money from your parents while you’re struggling, working, failing, falling.

Sometimes people donate to my Venmo: Doug-Culp and sometimes I get work.

Fortunate say “Have you tried to get a job?” as if I hadn’t FUCKING THOUGHT OF THAT already. “What about your parents, can they give you money?” No, motherfucker. What did I JUST say? Must be NICE to be supported financially, outright.

“Have you tried to get government assistance? I bet you’d qualify for THAT.” as if I hadn’t thought of THAT either! I’ve been on unemployment. One time I was working, for a while, got unemployment, then I got a gig that lasted a WEEK AND A HALF. The government thought “Hey, this fucker’s been working. Stop his unemployment NOW.” Come tax time they faulted me for collecting unemployment during that gig. A WEEK AND A HALF. Thanks government! I had to pay them back, what they were helping me with. The MONEY I HAD paid INTO the government, which was set up to HELP me, and they wanted it back cause I worked for a week and a half. Pro Flowers. Fuck that job. Fuck the government…especially RIGHT NOW.

Do I trust our government to look after me? No. FUCK, NO. Food stamps, which I don’t use cause government mistrust, remember…they’re about to make a law enforcing which foods are purchasable with food stamps. It’s gonna be rice & beans or some shit (“some shit” being the royal “whatever”).

I have Lyme Disease. Maybe some of you still don’t know what it’s like. I’ll tell you. Imagine you’re walking through your regular, healthy life when, all of a sudden, you feel this strange sensation. Something is MOVING beneath your skin. It’s deep, too.

I got bit near my crotch, didn’t know what the fuck it was. I didn’t know it was a bite, I just knew there was a weird, circular rash and I wanted it gone. So I waited. I wanted it to “go away” and it did…only it didn’t. See the “rash” was actually bacteria from within the tick that bit me. When the rash “went away”, in actuality, the bacteria began to spread. It fucked in my body. It fucked UP my body, very slowly.

I…shit, I’ve told this before in decent detail. Fuck it. I’ll jump ahead.

After the complete and utter betrayal of Dr. Clem Rodriguez aka Dr. Croc-o-shit, and pre-diagnosis, I was made to do community service.

I’d gotten a FIX-IT ticket from a cop, who said while he was writing it “You know, it says your registration is paid up, too, but the sticker isn’t there.” He basically told me “I’m a fucking piece of shit, and every day I eat human feces, so, here’s your shit ticket. Fuck you.”

I got my registration taken care of. I asked the lady at the DMV if I needed to do a hthing else, pay the $25 to them perhaps. “No you’re all set” she affirmed.

She was dead wrong. The ticket accrued late fees, I wasn’t able to pay them cause work was scarce. I had to go to the BIG BUILDING downtown to plead my case.

Community service was my only option and, on top of it ALL, I still had to pay the motherfucking original $25 fee. I was livid, but happy to be on the right track.

I sought out community service opportunities. I had people sign that I was there, providing contact info, pictures, the whole 9 yards. I did a blood drive. I helped with kids who’d been placed in safe apts with their parents, while their parents took a small break. A few others. I brought my proof to the BIG BUILDING and I was met with the dumbest sentence I’d ever heard in my entire life.

“You can’t just, DO community service.”

I had failed my task. The thing that I’d actually done, which technically YES COUNTS as community service, was thrown in my face as null and void.

I needed to be assigned. At this point I hadn’t needed the cane yet, but my legs were feeling weak af.

“Goodwill” they said. You’ll be assigned to help out there. I was happy with this. Not only had I grown up shopping at the thrift store my entire life, but now I got to work at one! I went in for my first day. It was chill, my legs were hurting BADLY by the end of the shift. Luckily I’d procured my Grandma Beryl’s cane a couple months prior, because at that point I’d felt my weird wobbly legs. I took a Lyft back to the duplex, which was about a mile away. I’d walked to work, had to get a ride home from my DESTROYED legs.

I returned to work at Goodwill again, cane in hand, helping me walk. The manager looked at me, looked at my cane, looked at me again, cane again. She was BAFFLED. “How can you work with that?”

“I dunno, maybe sort stuff in the back, bring things out on racks, put me anywhere.”

They sent me home. Away. As in “Get your LAME-ASS BODY the FUCK up out of HERE!”

Doctor’s note, explicitly saying what I could and couldn’t do. Next day I came back.

SENT HOME AGAIN.

This time, I was made to go to the BIG BUILDING again, only I opted for a less-crowded one in Glendale. I was made to pay a fee TO START my community service cause a deadline was missed and they want people in the system to be pissed.

ALANON/AA building. I was made to water plants and, for the most part it was chill.

I made buds with another guy in there, and we talked about our time like it was a prison sentence. Community service is like prison-lite. They can slyly take time off, add more time, and we’re being forced to be there.

While I’m doing the community service, remember, I was feeble af. Lyme Disease. Do NOT forget Bout the Lyme Disease.

Time is up, now I’m going though money fights with my then roommate. He’d been paying the rent and I’d been barely able to pay the utilities. This went on for too long, and I owe him money. He’s the type to hold something, anything, over your head for the rest if your life. Note that we don’t hang out anymore cause it was too hard for him. As soon as I pay him back I’ll Sparta kick myself out of his life forever. Conditional friends are weird af.

Back to the unrelatables.

I crashed on my bud’s couch for a month, during which his gf was SUPER pissed I was there at all. He’s not a confrontational guy, so much so, that he placed ALL the blame for me getting out of there in his roommate. How does anyone lie so easily, so blatantly? I escaped his place with most of my belongings in my car and JUST enough room to sleep in the backseat when need be. Oh yeah! The month I was crashing, I’d gotten work! I started working at the Santa photographer gig in the mall, AND was still being kicked out. I’d even resolved to pay some utilities while I was there cause I knew I’d been a bit of a financial burden. Didn’t take. Still had to get the FUCK out.

Car-sleeping in the car-tent. Car cover over, I’ve got some anonymity. JOB TRANSFER! Time to work the same job but moving from the Eagle Rock Plaza to the Canoga Park Mall. A bitter hellscape. A desert of anything. A shit place far from everything and I hated being there every second. 2.5 wks and I was promoted to ASSISTANT MANAGER! I never wanted a promotion. The day I started I knew I didn’t wanna do it much longer.

“Get through this, don’t kill self, sleep in car every night.”

I worked on my birthday, December 22nd! My birthday’s always been overshadowed by THE HOLIDAY SEASON. Doug was born? Who FUCKING CARES?! PRESENTS!!! (boo-fucking-hoo right)

I worked December 24th, to fly out December 25th to see my family in Utah.

“But Doug…” you say “I thought you had NO FINANCIAL HELP!” Firstly, hypothetical voice, fuck you. Secondly, my sister and mom pooled funds together to buy me a flight. I found parking near the airport, and my car remained safe the whole time I was gone.

I played video games in my sister and brother in-law’s basement arcade, using my cane everywhere I went (Lyme Disease, feeble af remember?).

Unrelatable prob 1. When parking on an incline, gravity is always noticeable.

UP 2. You know how when the pen in your headrest falls cause you were reaching for the car charger outlet to plug in your phone, and then the pen FALLS into your BONG which is right below?

UP 3. How about things constantly falling?

UP 4. Car charger port isn’t charging anymore. I’d restart the car real quick, but it’s a stick shift. Takes planning, timing.

UP 5. People talking shit about the car itself.

UP 6. People lightly CRASHING INTO THE FUCKING CAR WITH ME INSIDE IT.

UP 7. People being TOO GENEROUS with food purchased FOR ME and now I can barely BARELY fit in the backseat without cramming things into the trunk cause I don’t have room for all of this, also I asked for 3 things and got like 15! (“Ungrateful jerk”). This is, admittedly, still a very weird one for me.

UP 8. Advice! ALL THE ADVICE, ALL THE TIME! (see above)

UP 9. Being told to NOT TALK ABOUT IT. DON’T TELL PEOPLE YOU’RE HOMELESS. WHAT?!?!

UP 10. Bottles falling from gravity, not being able to shower daily, not being able to STRETCH OUT while getting ready to sleep.

UP 11. Mail? Postal annex aka another BIG BUILDING downtown.

UP 12. Shitting. WHERE?? Gas stations, hotels, anywhere that’ll have me. Most hotels won’t. Sometimes the bathroom is “out of order” EVERYWHERE. Once I walked for like 2 hrs, seeking out a toilet. Finally was able to shit.

UP 13. Pissing in bottles, bottle full of phlegm (from the Lyme Disease breaking my body down DO MUCH that it’s hard for me to digest. Difficult to SWALLOW FOOD).

UP 14. My autonomic functions don’t work so automatically from the Lyme Disease. Ever had to remind yourself to BREATHE?

I could go on, but I’m probably as exhausted writing this shit as you are reading it.

Sorry for the rant. We “street people” aka “homeless” aka “Roofless” are often treated as a single bio-mass. An ever-growing entity of destruction and chaos. A disease on society. A sickness to e snuffed out.

I’m still here. I just finished writing a pilot about a homeless vigilante who gets street justice on bad drivers, who’s also being chased by the government because he has the solution to end all homelessness. It’s called Roofless.

I’ve also been putting out my podcast every week without fail, for 225 episodes now! YAMATAT aka You And Me And Thoughts And Talk with Doug Culp (www.yamatat.com/podcast.html).

I have plenty left to live for, plenty to create, so much still to share with the world.

I love you, for getting through this whole post.

Please share this.

Please donate if you can. They’re gonna Storage Wars my stuff, including several hand-written journals. My car registration is LATE af. Prob gonna be ~$145-200.

Venmo: Doug-Culp

P.S. Smoke me out? Can I crash at your place? Shave? Give myself a haircut?

P.P.S. Hire me?

A Bold Experiment

In the past 6 months, I’ve experienced ALL kinds of discrimination for being homeless aka Roofless.

The most recent, of which, bothers the fuck out of me.

Rally’s/Checker’s saw that I’d been talking them up on twitter. It’s a smaller burger chain with the best fries in the entire world. It’s mostly back east (Northern Kentucky and Cincinnati, OH had bunches of them, for which I am grateful. Ya Gotta Eat!). They also saw that I was on about a new offer to “Buy one Big Buford get one free!”

I don’t know if you can eat two burgers in a row, but I cannot. I find it unimaginable mostly because I have Lyme Disease and my gastrointestinal tract feels like it’s been whacked. It’s certainly out-of-whack. Not only can I not eat two burgers in a row, but I’d never want to, and can’t afford it either (homeless aka Roofless remember?).

Rally’s stepped up, asked me to hit up their DMs, asked for an address, to which they could send some coupons. I stay fed and they stay positive on the internet. Easy right??

Felipa had other plans. Not only was she reluctant to redeem said coupons, but she was incredulous that I’d received them at all.

Is it because I have most of my belongings IN MY CAR? Maybe. I don’t know what the fuck her problem is/was. I’ve since fixed the vested interest in ~”HOW AND WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE? YOU FUCKING STREET RAT!”

The fact is, coupons are coupons and if they’ve already been paid for…what’s the issue?

We pretend that “Capitalism is FIIINE.” or “We don’t wanna be Sweden!” Firstly, if you think capitalism is fiiine, you’re either rich, privileged, or both. Good for you, you’ve LUCKED into money/success/fame! The rest of us will grovel our entire lives, hoping for “a way out” of this bullshit system we’ve happily put in place.

“Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps,” they’ve said. “Get a job” they say. I’ve been pumping out creative content for the past 15 years, working all along, and sometimes working jobs WHILE homeless. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! “A homeless” took pictures of our family as a Santa photographer at the mall! “A homeless” told me about the benefits of cannabis and having a cannabis concierge!

“But Doug, if you’re HOMELESS (aka Roofless), HOW did they send you those coupons?!”

There’s a “postal annex” where mail that has no home, goes. Now that’s where I go, to get MY mail. That’s where they sent the coupons.

The experiment I’m proposing is radical af.

BUSINESSES: Send me your coupons (completely free items). I’ll go through and ONLY get those items, maybe a shake here and there, certainly more Rally’s fries. How did the business treat me? Was I treated as a human being? Was I ALLOWED to shit in their toilet, e’en tho my item wasn’t “technically” purchased by ME?

How’s your humanity?

Meantime, I’m setting up my digital hangout spot in Decentraland: The Chill Zone (Sonic comparisons accidental). I want, and have started building/planning a place for people to hang out and share interests.

Decentraland is MUCH bigger than just me. There are investors, hundreds who’ve already purchased digital LAND tiles with MANA. I’ve had SOME troubles working on this virtual funscape, cause I’m homeless aka Roofless, remember? (really and truly, if I don’t keep reminding people, they’ll get lost in my cogent thoughts and forget entirely that I’m in deep financial trouble).

I created a font! #FaceItFont and can be seen on my IG and also dougathan.deviantart.com

I write/have written MUSIC! Reallygladyoucame.bandcamp.com

I have Lyme Disease, which has rendered me and my muscles near-VOID. Have you ever been WINDED and sweaty after playing arcades? I miss being ABLE to play video games. FPS are certainly not an option. Too much stress on my radial nerves, which are SHOT (oh the irony).

So as I sit in the car-tent, writing this and hoping that the world will hear and share, I can only hope.

If I’M the sole person, pleading, promising, promoting my art and my survival, I’ll survive, and then I’ll die. Whenever it happens.

If YOU, the reader, take a moment to TWEET out, FACEBOOK share, hell even IG this article out somehow…I could get some serious help and I could keep creating and making the things I love and hope that you also all collectively care about.

If you know me and only KIND OF like me, help me reach more people. You could also be instrumental in helping me to end all homelessness, in the world, forever. I have a solution and it’s going to take some time. It’ll get ramped up once the Kickstarter/Indiegogo video goes up. In order to make it, I’ll need much more financial stability.

How about some writing work? Something I can do from anywhere, like the car-tent, since this is what I’ve got.

Hos about promotions on social media? Promo code: YAMATAT, DougsNugs, dougathan.

How about getting me onto some podcasts? If I’m able to spread my story with such a virile medium, PLEASE help me do that!

My own podcast just hit episode 225! My buddy Tiran was on and we talked about photo-journalism and the slow collapse of capitalism.

http://www.yamatat.com/podcast.html OR Apple Podcasts or Stitcher or PocketCasts…so many ways to ingest these ideas, thoughts, and talk.

I’m exhausted from asking for help, and I hope you share this. Tweet it at Mountain Dew. Tweet it at 7-Eleven. Tweet it at any and all people who do podcasts. Share. Help. Please.

Sincerely,

Doug Culp

Venmo: Doug-Culp

Consider Being Considerate

Firstly, hello. Thank you for even clicking on whichever link that brought you here.

Secondly, I saw Avengers: Infinity War earlier with my MoviePass. Holy fucking shit. See it. If you’re NOT into Marvel (as the server at the arcade told me) then that’s fine. I’ll be over here having fun with/in the MCU.

Thirdly, I ate at Rally’s, and the manager, Felipa, STILL could not BELIEVE that I had coupons sent to me from their corporate office. Her mind was BLOWN and then I finally showed her the envelop I have with “more where that came from” and her mind was still fucking blown. “I’ve never SEEN those coupons  I’ve only seen…” Cool. Well, I kept talking about how much I love Rally’s on twitter, they sent me some coupons cause they heard about my barely living institution aka being homeless aka Roofless.

FOURTHLY, being considerate on the road. *Ahem* Not long ago, I became homeless. Before this, Uber and Lyft were introduced. “Drive YOUR OWN car!” they say. “Get your SIDE HUSTLE ON.” they boast. Über/Lyft: NO ONE is EXCITED to have to take on MORE work. “Get your side hustle on” is basically saying “Hey you poor fuck, you thought 8 hrs/day was enough? KEEP WORKING.” There’s also wear/tear, gas, oil changes…myriad things.

Being considerate, on the road, is easy. If you obey signs and lights, for the MOST part drive the speed limit give or take ~5 mph, everything will run smoothly.

There are MANY inconsiderate assholes on the road. I’ve made it partly a personal progression to SHAME the FUCK out of them. Whether I’m slowing down to FORCE a speed-demon to slow down, or yelling out my window at the opposing driver, whom has just cut me off or nearly killed some pedestrians.

Today was such a day, THREE times! First was this asshole in a Hyundai (didn’t get the plate but I’ll start posting those when I can). This fuckface was in the right-hand lane, which accrues cars parked at meters, cause it’s near some health buildings. He sped up to PASS ME ON THE RIGHT, and I sped up too. He was DETERMINED to pass me to, what, save time? Impress his girl? If you’re thinking with your dick, you’re never driving stick.

This asshole and I ended up NEXT to each other, after I saw pedestrians who were nearly flattened, sarcastically wave them through as if to say “Nooooo, YOU go ahead. Clearly our lives aren’t important, and that RED LIGHT ahead isn’t going to STOP at ITSELF!” Fucking dumbass driver. So we’re next to each other. I hold up a PRONOUNCED thumbs up and then he rolled down his window.

“You need to SLOW the FUCK DOWN. You got to this stop light SO FAST, and almost KILLED those people back there!”

“Yeah, well you–”

“You need to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN while you’re DRIVING! You need to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!”

“I’m sorry,” his girl said.

She got him to stop arguing with me because she knew I was right. Deep down I think he did, too.

When we’re called out on our BULLSHIT, we humans get defensive AF. No one seeks out opportunities to be wrong, but sometimes our ways of going about the world are markedly wrong.

WHAT if he’d KILLED those people with his car? “Multiple Manslaughter, but AT LEAST I WAS FAST!!” Fucking IDIOT.

Car 2 was driving awfully fast behind me and another car with whom I was tied for speed. We were keeping our speed at/below the speed limit, while this asshole in a Mini Cooper decides he wants to FLOOR IT through traffic. The thing was, we were headed to a full stop. Both lanes, rush hour traffic, asshole speeding behind. I fervently let him know that “WE’RE STOPPING!” Windows weren’t down so scoldings weren’t found. He still had to STOP, though, just like the rest of us.

There’s a sense of entitlement that comes with driving. A sense of PURPOSE, even. Most feel it is their prerogative to “GET THERE AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE,” and “NOT LET ANYTHING GET IN THE WAY.” This is dangerous thinking, to say the least.

If we are considerate to EVERYONE on the road/in the road/near the road, imagine how quickly car accidents would drop. Traffic would be more bearable. COPS would have ZERO drivers to worry about. People would be nicer and more chill.

A third car SPED UP to STOP QUICKLY because of traffic. He motioned like he wanted over in front of me. I refused. “Slow, the fuck, down” I said. His windows were up. Nissan Rogue. He TRUDGED ahead to pass the car IN FRONT of me, then got over into a turn lane to STOP AND WAIT.

GOOD JOB 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻. You got to that stop SO FAST! Would you like a TROPHY with YOUR CAR on top?!

Everyone being in such a god-damned fucking HURRY, is most likely an effect of a larger issue: attention spans and TMs (the toxically masculine). I won’t drone on about TMs, cause I already did that in a previous post. I’d say a good 65% of the time, though, the asshole driver who’s NOT using a turn signal or CUTTING people off is a guy. “IF MY MANHOOD IS BEING CHALLENGED ON THE ROAD I ONLY HAVE ONE RECOURSE!” thought the inconsiderate idiot.

If you’re “worried” that “people are getting too soft” or that “your manhood is being challenged”, you’re an oaf. You’re dumb. The mere fact that anyone could or would have that thought is logically laughable. Humanity is evolving and our minds/hearts need to evolve with it.

Logic and reason play an important part in society, because we need them to survive.

So rev up that engine, crank up the radio 🐑, and be DANGEROUS CAUSE IT’S COOL!!

Psych.

Consider being considerate. Maybe fewer people will die on the road. Just a thought.

Sincerely,

Doug

Venmo: Doug-Culp

STOP Calling Homeless People “Homeless People”

*Ahem*

Welcome to my blog. It may be your first time here, it may be your last. What’s certain is that homeless people have been called “homeless people” for far too long.

“But Doug, how ELSE can we group together and CLASSIFY those without homes?! How will I know WHOM to fear?!?”

That’s just it, hypothetical voice. What if, and hear me out on this one…what if “homeless people” were talked about as “people” and the language shifted JUST a little, to afford those without homes the decency to not be categorized and pigeonholed?

Oh what a DAY that would be!

See, it’s not about me, taking away your “ability” or “free speech” but, instead, it’s about empathy.

When people say “Well, why should Iiiiiii have to CHANGE the way I SPEAK, just to APPEASE the MASSES? THEY don’t matter, my FREEDOM OF SPEECH matters. You’re LIMITING me!”

Smh.

If you believe that humans evolve, and have evolved, then it stands to reason that we’re not done evolving. It’s certainly been evident with this newfound resurgence of “pride” in nazis! What the FUCK are you saying if you’re defending NAZIS?! You’re spreading hate and vitriol, and it’s not helping anyone except for those who hate, marginalize, and GROUP.

Back in high school around mid-sophomore year, I stopped really giving a fuck about what people thought about me in “whichever clique” and, instead, tried to reach people at face value.

It’s tougher. People are naturally inclined to FIND SOMETHING WRONG about someone so that they can TEAM UP against them to NOT FEEL SO ALONE in the world.

I moved to Kentucky for freshman year of high school from Santa Maria, CA. The central coast. Nice area, not much to explore, but we had our moments. I was instantly OTHERED by some jocks who quipped “Nice shirt. What do you think this is, Florida or something?” “No…I just, got it at a thrift store, like the rest of my clothes.” There’s never a cogent response. Probably something about being poor. I was an “easy target.”

So yeah, sophomore year I was like “FUCK it. Fuck this school, fuck any student’s way of thinking they were better or ABOVE me in some way.

I won “Most original style” senior year. Translation: “We’re not sure what to do about you.” but I got the votes and won the superlative. It means nothing. Awards mean little-to-nothing. Symbolism BEHIND awards is excellent. “Your thing was DOPE af, we all loved it. Here’s a trophy.”

I think a LARGE part of the culture-changing and shifting in Hollywood and the creative realms could come from an awareness of how stupid awards are. I feel I’m repeating myself a bit so I’m gonna get back to the point.

People without homes are a plenty. They’re everywhere, I’m one of them, and I’m also amenable af. If you get to know me on a personal level, we just might get along (@dougathan on twitter/IG).

If you choose to marginalize the already downtrodden, punching directly below you, a “person with a job” a “gainfully employed” a “homeowner”, that is YOUR prerogative. It’s not required of ANYONE to BE NICE to anyone, but it feels pretty fucking nice whenever it happens.

I talk about my #carsleeping #cartent #urbancamping #tinyhomes #5starsToNotsleepincars liberally, because I don’t wish to be ignored. Ignorance is bliss until the entire country comes down and then there’ll still be people who say “It was probably all the homeless people”.

Today, April 26th, 2018, if you choose to BE ignorant, ignoring any and all news, hoping and grasping at the idea of “Everything will be ALL RIGHT” then you have proven that ignorance is piss. You’re just a piss bag who’s waiting to die, and WILLING to die while your friends and family suffer, all the while STILL going “Well I’M fine, fuck EVERYBODY else.”

When Mike Judge (shout out) made Idiocracy, he was certainly ahead of the curve. He saw what none of us KNEW would happen, but what was probably going to happen. We’re close. Our phones have us pacified. Reviewers and Spotify and Pandora ensure that we’ll ONLY Listen to what’s been given us, and Fox News is a tree house full of dumbass monkeys throwing bananas directly at the president, who is also a trained monkey.

Is he well-intentioned? No…well, maybe if whatever we’re talking about ONLY AFFECTS him and no one else. Other than that, if we’re talking about “the president’s concern with The American People”, he doesn’t give a FUCK about us.

Especially not, the homeless aka Roofless aka people without shelter.

This is what it comes down to.

Food, water, shelter, bathrooms, are ALL human rights, yes? Okay, now extend what you think a “human” is to ANYONE living in/on the street, because we are humans too. We are NOT just “homeless people” because we’re poor af and don’t have homes. We’re “homeless people” because no one is speaking up for us.

Even programs set in place to help “the homeless” address us as such. “Help The Homeless!” Who is that, is that one person? Does “homeless people” count as ALL OF THEM? Can I PLEASE get back to my new gaming system now?! Ugh, this #homelessness shit, is, depressing.

I am living it. I’m working gigs here and thee while I can. My phone batt is at 20%. I just turned on power-saver mode and data-saver mode because the car charger was NOT charging my phone. The batt level just keep gradually dropping.

So, yeah, call me whatever you want. Marginalize me, marginalize US. When did we become SO fucking divided as a nation? Why are we so willing to HURT someone, if it assumes it will lift US up??

I’ve been thinking about how, on most late shows, there’s still emphasis on making fun of how Donald Trump looks. I think, making fun of looks is low-brow, and boring af. It’s tired, it’s EASY.

Stop. Think. Come up with a better, more well-crafted joke.

I AM guilty of laughing at these jokes. We all are, and we all have been.

Like I said earlier, though, humans evolve. We are all here, trying to live our BEST lives until we die. That’s it. We’re all “struggling on different planes” (credit: Childish Gambino). Hoping people remember our names. Hoping we also avoid shames. Cracking frames. Playing games.

19% battery.

If you help me out by donating to my Venmo: Doug-Culp I will be eternally grateful. If you don’t/can’t, I completely understand.

“Why should I give money to this guy who’s trying to try and learning to fly? Help me with this mote in my eye? Got a stye. Eating pizza pie. It’s a tie. Let’s all let love and happiness thrive.”

Cool.

In summation: next time you talk about “homeless people” please give “people without homes” a try. “Those without shelter” could also work.

“BUT FIRST AMENDMENT!” Lack of empathy.

A complete lack of empathy leads to sociopathic behaviors, like terrorist attacks, SWAT’ing, or just plain ol’ “not giving a shit” about whichever political/socio-economic situation.

Have empathy. Seek empathy. Elevate your discussions. Enjoy your time with friends and family alike.

We’re not here forever.

Rather now than never.

Venmo: Doug-Culp

http://www.yamatat.com/podcast.html

Dougathan.deviantart.com

Reallygladyoucame.bandcamp.com

Pls share. A RT can go A LONG way.

12% battery.

Simcerely,

Doug

How Monogamy has Contributed to the Gradual Downfall of Society

Heavy title right?

“But Doug, your parents are monogamous, so were your grandparents etc.!”

Yes. I hear you, I see you, and if you’re a macho dude, I fear you. Here’s what’s up.

I was talking about “toxic masculinity” in my last post. Monogamy has contributed to toxic masculinity. How many times have we heard someone making fun of dick size, height, general apparition as humans? We’re all just waiting to die, and yet, some people still make it their goal to put people down!

“Beauty” is a word that’s thrown around. If you’re “not beautiful,” then why live at all? “If I’m not fashionable, people won’t like me.” BULLSHIT. People will like you if you’re not up on the “hottest trends” or know who any of the bands are at Coachella. The dumb ones, TMs, shallow fucks, they are the ones to stay away from…or shine a light on how their point of view is the old way. “Why are you being so aggressive? We’re all connected by the internet and Wild Wild Country (Sheela was a sociopath with too much power at a young age. Minus Sheela going after Bhagwan’s doctor and the Hollywood people, minus the hotel bombing, minus the orange/red/pink clothing and screaming meditation, it could’ve worked. I think some Rajneeshees are still around). Beauty, is subjective. No one is “more or less beautiful” than anyone else, because there is someone, maybe many someones, for everyone. Have you heard of pheromones? Have you ever thought of your partner “You smell disgusting, take a shower!” That, is nature, telling YOU, that you maybe shouldn’t fuuuck. On the contrary, have you ever thought of your partner “Whoa…you smell aMAZING!” That’s nature telling you and the other body, to fuuuck. Have sex. Make love. Hook up. Get together. Mash bits. 69. 420. Cuddle. Don’t cuddle (do cuddle). Close. Medium-close. Glenn Close.

What are we doing? The presidency of shronald frumf has taught us that all are fallible. EVEN THE PRESIDENT. Trump is a piece of shit. He’s lonely af, as seen by him trying to pinky hold Melania’s hand, but he doesn’t deserve her or anyone. Cheating with multiple women, while his wife was pregnant. Despicable ME Is about HIM (maybe, I still haven’t seen it. He’s a villain, yes?) He deserves to be locked up in a federal super-duper max prison in solitary confinement to thing about what he’s done! He’s a menace, he ONLY cares about rich white people, and he puts down everyone else. If you’re a Trump supporter, currently, wake the fuck up. He does not care about you, he certainly doesn’t care about Kanye West.

Kanye “making moves” to be friendly with DT, cause of what…TAXES?! Real HARD, K. *Shaking my head*. If he’s truly reaching out to the president to try and affect him and give him good ideas, maybe I see it. It looks like, though, a rich guy going “Whoa this hotel magnate at the top of the United States is going to benefit me financially, VERY much. I don’t CARE what happens to anyone else.” It’s how it feels, too. Deep down, Kanye, you have to punk the shit out of Donald Trump and the entire GOP. Humiliate the fuck out of him. Distribute the PEE-PEE TAPE. That’d be the most badass thing ever.

Kanye, if you do this, you could save America from its toxic masculinity. Be on the side of women on this one. Trump does not give a shit about women.

But I digress. One reason Donald Trump has been divorced twice…maybe he’s polyamorous and would never know it cause he’s an old, set-in-his-ways fuck, who wouldn’t even explore it as an intellectual possibility. So he’s fucked up and fucked other women, porn stars, hired prostitutes to piss on the bed where the Obamas Slept in Russia. All cause, what…you were threatened by people liking him more than you? Toxic masculinity. Trump is led, like LOTS of men and women, by their pride. Their senses of self. “If I do that, what would people think of me? Good heavens. 🧐” “I can’t cry in a movie or TV show, cause I’m a man, and real men don’t cry.” What the fuck? Who sold you that dreck? Was it Shrek? Gregory Peck? Kiss each other on the neck.

People have bought into this narrative, for so long, that “the man and woman get married, they have kids, maybe go to church every Sunday, and keep humanity going.”

Humanity can continue with many polyamorous people. That phrase “It takes a village to raise a child.” What if everyone just knew and contributed to everyone around? What if people talked again? There’s a ton of communication missed out on from toxic masculinity people, being very possessive of “what’s mine. I own her and she owns me. That’s why we got tattoos of each other’s names, and vials of each other’s blood that we carry around on our necks. No, YOU’RE weird!”

When I bring up polyamory, people go “😌😌 I can hardly handle ONE relationship, I couldn’t imagine MANY😂😂”

It doesn’t work like that. At least, it doesn’t have to. If you’re polyamorous you might be dating someone, you might even end up living with them, and you’ve both agreed that you can see other people. Maybe together, maybe separate. Maybe you never live with anyone but, instead, hope to go on dates and take a shower, grab a shave maybe a haircut, while perhaps also hooking up, and having a place to sleep for the night (this has worked for me zero times, but I have had some nice friends reach out and offer me a place to sleep for the night. Most nights I sleep in the “car-tent”, which I may or may not have already explained in my previous “Roofless” post, “A Month Without a Home” or others. It’s basically the car cover and I’m inside with some anonymity. It’s given me some much-needed solace in this tumultuous time in my life. Being homeless sucks, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Being able to stretch out ALL THE WAY while going to bed at night? I miss that). Maybe it’s friends who hook up sometimes. Maybe it’s only kissing. I don’t know. Many types of people in this beautiful world.

Some of the scarier types are the toxically masculine, or TM. These TMs are worried that “the fabric of society will unravel and we’ll just have chaos and sex piles.” Polyamory doesn’t immediately mean “sex pile”. It could; doesn’t have to, though. That’s as unimaginative as me saying “I bet ALL monogamous couples have sex in missionary every time, the whole time!”

To demonize polyamory is as toxic as TMs concerned with their significant others as possessions. To demonize polyamory is to lie and say that you’ve never ever thought about having sex with another person. Just because you don’t understand it, doesn’t mean you’ve got to snuff it out.

I’m not saying “Hey everyone, break up with your significant others and fuck whomever you feel like, as long as it’s consensual of course.” the consensual part, yes. And yes, maybe it’s time to break up. Monogamy works for people. Most are content to “find someone”, stick with them forever, have kids and a family. Some are more content to live and date whomever, forever, and maybe have kids, or not. I’m of the latter…kinda funny cause I’m also formerly of the “latter-day saints” or LDS church.

I’m happy for the precepts the church has taught me. Be a good person. Love one another. Try to help those in need when you can and when they need. Don’t fuck people’s significant others. Don’t drink (I’ve always lived by this one). There’ve been 3 times where I consumed some alcohol: once at a party, where I asked if there was any in the juice, was told there wasn’t, and it tasted like juice so I drank like a quarter cup (good juice btw). Once at the last The Meltdown with Jonah and Kumail (it was a cup o’ champagne I think? It wasn’t great, the symbolism of us all being a family there. It was dope, the drink not so much). Once while doing a micro-dose of acid mixed in with a tiny cup of sake. I don’t think I felt the micro-dose and I’m pretty sure I didn’t feel the sake.

Anyway, those instances aside, I just have never had alcohol. Never had the urge. I may be homeless but I have saved A LOT of money by not drinking. Weed is different. It’s medicine, AND it’s fun. It’s both, and it’s a beautiful thing. Never had a danger of a blackout. Driving’s been very chill.

Idiocracy is real, and we’re seeing its effects, watch Atlanta, Donald Glover’s doin’ great things on FX. Call or text. Resurrect, our much needed nude connect. Talkin’ sex. Playing chess. Or we play some NES. Pizza Domino’s finesse. Smokin’ doobies for a sess. Drinkin’ smoothies, fruit is fresh. I’m not calling you COLLECT. Using minutes, I respect. Hear our voices intersect. Don’t deflect, decompress. Tell me all about your stress. We undress, bodies pressed, to a climax, no distress.

I went on a 2-year mission to Dominican Republic and, as a result, am bilingual. There’s tons of toxic masculinity on “the mission” and I bet LOTS of guys/gals “in the church” find out many things about themselves while “in service”. It’s all pretty crazy. I’m writing G a book about my life called “LDFS: Growing up Mormon, Discovering Weed at 30, and then Getting Lyme Disease” just could use a publisher, maybe some money so I can focus on writing and living in a house, instead of worrying where to find parking, for free in my blog (which I’ll continue to do), and finding open gas station toilets in which to shit.

Book publishers: Hmu.

Sincerely,

Doug

P.S. Venmo: Doug-Culp if you’d like to donate to me having food/gas/bills paid. This is a sole source of income and I’m always looking for more work. “Hire me!” 😂 really though, hire me.

P.P.S. Check out my sites & sounds:

http://www.yamatat.com/podcast.html

Dougathan.deviantart.com

Reallygladyoucame.bandcamp.com

http://www.getnugg.com/invite/YAMATAT

Smallville, Toxic Masculinity, and “Incels”

Smallville was near and dear to my heart. I watched it all, week to week. For 2 yrs I was out of the country and I asked my dad to tape it for me. See there was this thing called a VCR, and you had to put the movie into the VCR, on a VHS tape. It wasn’t ALL VHS, though, oh no. DVD, HD DVD, Laser Disc…so Smallville. Cool show. It was fun, sexy, dangerous, one could say it was trying to be the Buffy of the DC world. 10 seasons! Michael Rosenbaum, I loved you as Lex, and Lionel you were great too! So many times I’d catch myself saying “Just tell him, Clark!” (if he’d have told him early on, Lex wouldn’t have turned out how he did)

Smallville had this character named Chloe. I rooted for Chloe cause she was the girl next door; the choice that Clark had all those years and instead chose Lana (Kristen Kreuk 💯).

Chloe represented what was good in all of us. She was chaotic good, and that led to LOTS of chaos. Off-screen more than on, apparently.

She helped this guy run a sex cult called Nexivm (pronounced “Nexium”) and she made girls have sex with the top guy, and it was a pyramid scheme, the guy being the top of the pyramid and Chloe (Allison Mack) right underneath. Words like “Master” and “Slave” were strewn about, and apparently this had been going on for the past 20 yrs. They did the scientology thing where they made you admit past indiscretions on camera and would treated to leak it all if you left.

Scary shit.

Toxic masculinity is a curse on this world as has been for ages.

Toxic masculinity has been linked to monogamy, violence, jealousy, insecurity, religion, war, et al.

It’s basically the belief that “A man needs to be a MAN”. That includes guns, the media’s standards for beauty, and gym memberships. Being fit is not bad by any stretch. But if you put too much emphasis on it, it’ll make you vein.

I had some leftover pizza earlier and it was really good. Thanks again Domino’s for owning up to your past bad pizza and fixing it.

Back to TM. It propagates the lie that the nuclear family is the only way to go, and that everything else is a threat to it. TM also produces “Incels” or “Inadvertently celibate” dudes. They’re aggressive, mean, and take out their personal woes on women and in terrorist acts.

Canada was just hit by one of these “Incels”. I’ve got a handful of friends from Canada. Hope you’re all safe up there.

Incels, if you’re listening/reading this: go out more. Go to see bands play, to see stand-up and other comedy shows, get out of the house but, most importantly, get out of the house. Place yourself in social situations so as to MAYBE meet someone who loves you for who you are, not for what you look like.

Standards of “beauty” are all over the place in this world. “How can I even date anyone when I look like THIS?!” should not come into anyone’s mind. Beauty is seen differently, person to person.

Aggressive men are still out there. They still exist. For what are you compensating? What inward validation would you need to possibly leave me alone instead of acting like an aggressive bro? Mad bro? We all die and every day we’re reminded of it because of our shitty president, the NRA, and insane INCELS purportedly “involuntarily celibate”. Go OUTSIDE and TALK to HUMANS in PERSON.

These will be the mobile militias. These will be the “problem areas” which will lead to more deaths and less understanding.

I hope I’m wrong about the weird-ass quadfecta of evil. I hope Trump and the majority of his cabinet go to jail…REAL jail, and that most of them get solitary confinement. These fuckers need to be put in TIME-OUT.

You’re about to start a nuclear holocaust over Twitter. TIME-OUT!

You believe in Gay-conversion therapy. TIME-OUT!

You believe that “good people don’t smoke marijuana.” TIME-OUT!

I could go on and on about the president and how much of a fucking moron he is. I know that most who voted for him are either digging their heels and heads into the sand, and hoping for the best, or they’re in open fields, burning swastikas, hoping for the horrible to happen.

Tom Welling, I’m sorry the Red-Blue Blur couldn’t stop Allison Mack from joining and helping run that sex cult.

Macho dudes out there, smoke some weed, chill out, watch Wild Wild Country.

Beauty standards, makeup industry, whomever the FUCK first thought of Botox injections: Fuck you. Fashion is a facade, perfumes and colognes ensure artificial chemical smell, and sometimes we need free Wi-Fi at a café!

Quick side: If you have more than enough money, and you don’t understand “homeless people” aka “the huddled masses” aka “ME RIGHT NOW”, don’t talk shit. Reach out. Ask, learn, educate yourselves o  “the disparate masses” cause we “street people” are alive too. We have hopes and dreams, just like anyone else.

Some of those hopes might be as simple as “I hope I get to shower this month. That’d be nice.”

Or as complex as “I hope someone sees my writing, realizes I’ve got loads to say to the public, so much so that I’ll get sponsorship for my podcast (7-Eleven, Mountain Dew, Netflix) and maybe I get representation or maybe I Bill Murray my way through this business and only work with those whom I truly wish to work with.”

Or like “Someone please make a documentary about me and my Lyme Disease and the hardships I’m going through to tell my story and spread awareness of bad doctors and of Lyme Disease.”

Watch Atlanta. Watch Legion.

Thanks for reading.

Sincerely,

Doug

Venmo: Doug-Culp

Chronicles of “A Homeless” Pt. 3

I’m in a race against time right now. Will power will get me through.

I’m hungry af, chillin’ in the car-tent, waiting to go maybe shit and then get a Big Bite/Big Gulp combo for $2.43.

I recently saw someone post that they bought and ate a vegetarian dog at the stadium for $13. ONE FUCKING HOT DOG for THIRTEEN FUCKING DOLLARS!! I’m still flabbergasted. If any of you have EVER paid this much for stadium food, I either feel for you (cause you could BARELY afford it) or I deeply hate your sensibility when it comes to food (cause a single serving of ANYTHING should never be more than $10).

If you’re rich af, and don’t understand why I’m so mad, there’s the fucking door. You probably have one of those doors that opens automatically and an Okay Google or Alexa in every room though. Go talk to your robots, this is for people who care about money and how few people have it these days.

I was busy this weekend. I worked the Cannabis Cup 2018 with this company called Nugg. (24/7 customer service/live chat, get your rec online, we’re like a concierge service for cannabis http://www.getnugg.com/invite/DougsNugs)

I spent some time as a “free agent” which meant I got to go around and spread the good word about our cannabis services. We were everywhere. Blue blazers and vests all aglow.

I bumped into my friend Mike Glazer, who is getting bigger in the cannabis/comedy/cooking communities as “Glazed”. He’s got his own shirts! A #podcast too, check out Weed+Grub.

Night one in the car-tent, near HQ, someone was flashing a light onto/into the car. What would you do if I stepped out and asked “Can I help you?” What the fuck would you do, rich folks? “Can I help you? Yeah, I’m just going through some hard times right now.” “Can you go through them SOMEWHERE ELSE?!”

No, not really. I’m drifting with the wind for now and finding temporary anchor points here and there.

Got some hook-ups while working, won a Coca-Cola can-shaped piece! Unloaded LOTS of free tote bags. The green was flowing and the blue shone through.

Aside from being a free agent, I spent a shift in the “flush tank” (it’s basically a dunk-tank but instead of me falling into water, water fell onto me from an overhead toilet which was being filled and refilled with a recycled water solution. It was water, just the solution was to recycle it through a system of tubes). Not gonna lie  every time someone hit the lever with a softball, I dreaded it. Not for the getting wet factor, but for the amount of time it “flushed Jeff Sessions” (I was wearing a Jeff Sessions mask the whole time, so people LOVED flushing his face).

Under the flush, it felt like what I imagine waterboarding-lite would feel like. I was t being tortured but the flushing was torture. Some people couldn’t hit the target, so like sore loser (assholes) they’d run right up to the lever and press it with their hands. Ya know, like how a good sport would do. Aggro assholes would take 5 or 6 shots at it, coming back for more if they’d STILL managed to miss. Remember, they’re not “flushing” ME, they’re flushing the IDEA of Jeff Sessions’ FACE. So much aggression, some genuine happiness, and at one point, the guy with the megaphone was giving our Nugg crew chances to flush me as well! Where the fuck was THAT in the plan?!

Anyway, a little traumatized, I made some friends that weekend. I asked the founders if they’d have me in some sort of comedy social media capacity, and we’re gonna talk about it further a few days from now.

I’m stoked. I’ll be stoked once @DougsNugs on twitter/IG can get referrals to whomever checks it out, and hopefully my podcast (#YAMATAT aka #YouAndMeAndThoughtsAndTalkwithDougCulp) listeners will jump in, too!

(www.yamatat.com/podcast.html)

I need money cause, remember the title?

Venmo: Doug-Culp

Anyway, mainly wanted to rant about that $13 veggie dog. Nugg job was dope af.

Oh yeah! Flies are a menace to the world. I’m gonna write a movie called “Come Fly With Me” and it’s gonna be like “The Birds” but with flies. I asked Blumhouse if they’d make it if I wrote it. No word back yet.

RT, re-tumble, re-facebook this pls.

Sincerely,

Doug

P.S. I was able to watch last night’s Westworld and Silicon Valley, but the 6-day watch-a-thon is now over, and I’d love a login. I wanna watch Last Week Tonight and laugh my ass off. At least while I do laundry. Yeah, even #homeless aka #Roofless people have laundry day, if you’ll allow it.

Sponsor My Podcast

Hey all. Hopefully you’ve been brought here by one of my previous posts, or from my podcast ep, which I’m just about to edit together, called “Read My Blog”.

Now that we’re all gathered, the important part. My podcast needs sponsorship and, assuming the companies will have me, I’d like to pick my own sponsors.

Here is a list of all the companies whom I’d wish to help by them helping me + Promo codes + discounts and all that stuff:

7-Eleven (Oh thank heaven)

Mountain Dew (Free Dew of any flavor – see my youtube.com/dougculp audition to be their spokesperson)

Domino’s (what if I got a free Large 3-topping for every 3 people who used promo code: “YAMATAT”?)

Popeye’s Chicken (I never ever ever eat KFC since I’ve discovered the goodness of Popeye’s)

Dollar Shave Club (Cheap af razors and BUTT WIPES too!)

HBO/Netflix/Hulu (Free streaming from customers using promo code: YAMATAT)

JetBlue/Virgin Atlantic (free local/international flights for promo code: “YAMATAT”)

Super 8/Motel 6/etc (Free hotel stays thanks to promo code: “YAMATAT”, I am technically homeless right now)

Pep Boys (Tune-ups & tires, oil changes, fix my car)

MetroMile car insurance: Pay what you drive (covered monthly insurance)

WeedMaps/Leafly/Nugg.com (promo code: YAMATAT will get me green and pieces and things like that)

If enough people reach out to these companies for me  o  their own accord, this could work. Maybe not each and every one, but it’s possible. Who knows? Who knows how big companies like Viacom get big companies on board for advertising space. Probably started with one person reaching out.

That one person is me, and I’m reaching out to you, the listener. Hopefully also the reader (and vice versa).

I’ve got my Venmo: Doug-Culp set up, in case anyone wants to help out without helping these other companies.

You can see it, right? This random entertainer, bursts onto the scene and all by himself, no agent/manager I mean. If enough people truly believe in me and my ability to entertain the world, you’d see a change. We can change the “face” of Hollywood and fame. Make sure everyone’s got a name.

I want to have a late-night talk show, and, it’s called You And Me And Thoughts And Talk Show with Doug Culp. Podcast connection, LIVE on TV, instant show. Come along with me won’t you?

Let’s explore the imaginative side of creativity.

No more re-boots or re-do’s. Sambas are the most comfortable shoes. Making jokes and telling news. I could certainly get some late night views. I hope more agree, don’t you(s)?

I’m a huge proponent for cannabis. I wanna open up a pot shop called Doug’s Nugs. I’ve got the IG and Twitter handles. Let’s get some hempwick and light the candles.

I have a plan to end all homelessness, in the world, forever, and it’s really something! If I get enough of a following on here, thru my podcast, sponsorships, we could really save the world.

Right now I’m just a dude, writing every platitude, trying not to have attitude, looking to get Mountain Dew’d.

My car registration is expired because I ha e no source of income (besides Venmo: Doug-Culp thank you again for any and l who have donated!) and a gig here & there.

I’m posting this the day of my training as a weed butler for a weekend of work at Cannabis Cup. After that, I don’t know what I’ll be doing for work. Hopefully I can meet some chill weed peeps at the event and it can lead to more weed work.

I wrote a pilot. This show is gonna end up on AMC, FX, HBO, or Syfy. Those are my choices. It’s about a homeless vigilante who’s being chased by the government. Sounds fun right? I want to direct, executive produce, show run, star, in it. It’s gonna be A TON of work, but I’m looking forward to it!

So, to recap:

-Podcast sponsorship (please rate and review on iTunes, 5 stars + “Help this guy get work” or something like that)

-You And Me And Thoughts And Talk Show with Doug Culp (my own late show with which to have tons of fun and interact with everyone)

-TV pilot about the homeless vigilante.

-Venmo: Doug-Culp

-Ending. All. Homelessness. Forever.

Sincerely,

Doug

http://www.yamatat.com/podcast.html

@dougathan @yamatat @DougsNugs @duplexcomedy @DrDougSurgery

Southwest Airlines, we need to TALK.

Hey Southwest, what’s up? Your planes? You need to explain yourself further…track the blade history. TRACK THE BLADE!

My family has flow with y’all for YEARS. What if one of us ends up the next in ROW 14??

Blumhouse Presents:

Row 14: The Journey Southwest.

I’ve gotta be honest I’m a little scared. If a plane can just break like that in mid-air, what is my pride worth if I’m dead?! Row 14 dead! (I’m truly sorry for whomever it was that died. Please know, sincerely, I’m mad at Southwest Airlines).

You’re going to have to lower the price of your flights, a lot. Shit you might have to start paying people to ride in planes as seat-fillers to try and promote company and “Southwest brand morale”. Cause you fucked up. Somewhere, someone allowed the plane to be in such condition, that it could just break apart in the sky; the place where a plane should typically be.

Lower your prices to $10/flight, to anywhere in the US, $15/international flight. It’ll be a fun experiment. In this time of distrust and “loyalty”, what if it was somehow Russia? Aren’t some Russian ex-spies roaming free in our country somewhere? Probably (and if you’re one of those spies, reading this, leave me alone).

Got a little off-track. *Ahem* Southwest Airlines. Lower your prices, cause I don’t want myself to turn into slices, of pizza, meat pie. You’ve made me more afraid to fly. So here’s mud in your eye.

Free sodas and snacks for every customer too. If I’m gonna end up on ROW 14, I at least wanna have a full belly when my head gets sucked out the window. I’m assuming that’s how the passenger died (again I am so sorry if you’re related to them in any way, family or friend).

Southwest Airlines: You’ll Die For These Prices.

40% angle for how long? You said “a few seconds” but I ha e to hear from someone who was on the flight. Any survivors of that flight who will do my podcast, follow me on Twitter @yamatat and we’ll talk. This is awful of Southwest, the NTSB, and I really hope this wasn’t terrorism of some kind.

I hope we can find trust in the skies again, as now I’m only wondering, “Is flying Southwest gonna end in my death? It might not be worth the risk!”

Southwest, hmu. Survivors, hmu. This needs to be fixed. Oh yeah, Southwest, I really hope you take full accountability on this. We can’t be dying IN PLANES.

Sincerely,

Doug Culp

http://www.yamatat.com/podcast.html

Venmo: Doug-Culp