Writing on Writing and Writing

Stupid title right…or is it AWESOME?! It’s all right. I’ll write. All riot. Small fight.

I have fun writing. I don’t know if you could tell by the way I address everyone, small footnotes (in parentheses) or “BIG ONES” in quotes. I’m trying to convey my most honest self by trying to put my ego on the shelf. It’s tough. I haven’t figured it out; Not enough. It’s just stuff. We’re all living in the rough. This isn’t “fluff”. Trying my best not to take no guff.

The reason I’m writing YOU today, is to talk about writing, my upcoming stand-up tour “Duplex Comedy Suplex: The Lyme Disease Awareness Tour” aka “DCS the LDAT”, and whatever else I wanna pepper in here. It’s my blog. I will treat it as though I had a free will to write what I feel.

Writing can be fun. It can also be torture. If you’re sitting down and forcing yourself to write, the best stuff might not fall out. It might, but it also might not. That’s fine. Whatever you write isn’t gonna be your BEST thing every time. If you’re being your most sincere self while capitulating and pontificating, then you did your best and that’s what matters. Whether people like what you wrote or not is completely up to them.

Lately opinion has felt VERY much like a group-think mentality. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes catastrophic, and sometimes sad.

The Wolverine was a movie about Logan battling with the idea of losing his power SO THAT HE COULD FINALLY DIE. Everyone shit on this movie. Even people who liked it only “kinda” liked it, so as to avoid chastising from “the masses”. No one wants to be THE ONE who thought that movie was good, or that song was great, or that artist was really artistic. Everyone keeps to themselves more and more these days.

Example. I’m a little high right now. I’m sitting in this cafe wherein I ordered a dope-ass delicious carrot cake cupcake. I made a little small talk at the register, just saying I was gonna get some writing done. She seemed taken aback that I spoke more than just ordering my stuff and leaving.

People are in a hurry way more today than ever before. Even if it’s to GET HOME to WATCH A SHOW or to just BE at home. People rush, especially on the road, and I’ve been doing some light yelling and bad-driver shaming when people drive like assholes. I’ve turned into a living governor of your car. If you’re driving REALLY fast on a road that’s like 30-40, I will be the SLOW-ASS in front of you preventing your destruction of some person or some other car. The shaming comes from the PRONOUNCED *THUMBS UP* I give as I’m passing, as we end up stopped at the same street light after you were speeding, there are many examples. Anyway if you notice any of this street justice happening, a tip of the hat or a Venmo: Doug-Culp would be amazing. I feel like I’m on a one-man mission to shame people into driving more considerately.

“But Doug, what if they’re driving to the hospital for an emergency?!”

I don’t know that they’re not, but I DO know that people on the road should drive safely, and they’re avoiding it more and more. A couple weeks ago I was driving down a 2-lane road where the right lane ends because of parked cars. Shamed the hell out of him for almost hitting pedestrians going through a crosswalk, all because he wanted to pass me on the right. (I feel like I’ve told some iteration of this story on my blog or on twitter, so I’ll abbreviate it here).

So, writing. Tangents are fun. They happen. Writing is torturous when “I don’t feel like writing.” Sometimes I just need to unplug, plug in, and watch a show or listen to a podcast. I’m listening right now to my playlist of Blind Pilot – 3 Rounds And A Sound (10-yr anniversary of this album just hit this year! Me and Tyler saw them play at The Casbah one time and it was fucking awesome and dancing was had the whole time. They brought Tyler on-stage to play the tambourine!), Childish Gambino – Awaken, My Love (all the way through. I don’t shuffle. Sometimes I’ll switch full abums mid-album, but that’s usually if it’s on a loop and the whole album has restarted. Been on Childish since Camp. Y’all see the Donald Glover SNL? If you haven’t…watch it. It’s funny AF), Neutral Milk Hotel – In The Aeroplane Over The Sea (my friend Amanda VanValkenburg turned me onto them. We met at church back when I lived near Cincinnati. Gummibear song came on in the theater after Juno ended).

So writing, or fighting the urge to quit writing. I’m going on tour soon. How much am I’m going to do onstage? I’m headlining, folks. 45 min~1hr! Bend, OR! I’ve got tons of topics to talk it and I’ll be doing some idea-honing IKEA-owning effort-phoning human-cloning, delicate boning? Cause of the Lyme Disease. It rhymes with ease. Eating meunster cheese, or extra sharp cheddar, it’s got that *WING* *WING*, it’s better. Here’s the header: Doug is rapping people clapping fingers snapping wires tapping to the beat. You’re all moving in your seat. No retreat; no defeat. Can we meet?

I have this pilot script about a homeless vigilante who gets street justice on bad drivers. It’s called Roofless. YOU WANT TO SEE THIS.

I finished another pilot script a couple days ago about how our entire known universe is a simulation. YOU WANT TO READ THIS.

AMC, FX, Syfy, HBO, hmu.

I’m self-represented so it would literally have to be some exec messaging me on some platform cause I’m a harder guy to get a hold of. I’m always on the move cause I’m sleeping in my car. It’s only been 6 months, but I’ve gotten pretty far. I booked that tour, it’s gonna pay, this’ll be my best gig to this day, Haven’t much been able to say what I want at some of the comedy mainstays. Main stage. That’s me. Theater show, we’ll see how it goes, because nobody KNOWS. It’ll be fun to run my material done, eat some cereal at the multi-continental breakfast. Gonna get a little wrecked, pissed, in the drunk way but with weed. The stage a knight and I its steed. Hope somebody says “I pee’d” when I heard you, man I don’t deserve you. You’re being so nice full of sugar and slice me a tomato, sandwich when I’m all deflate-o, need some nourishment I fade-o, can we mess around with Play-doh?

I was gonna go through some of my old jokes and make fun of them, but you get the picture. Writing can be hard, it can be fun, it can be strenuous, till it’s all done. But it’s never ALL done. I wanna keep writing till I’m in the ground.

I don’t get paid for this, writing, yet.

Venmo: Doug-Culp

Please never forget, about me. Here’s more links.

You And Me And Thoughts And Talk with Doug Culp

Some drawings!

Instagram @dougathan

Twitter @dougathan

Original MUSIC!

 

Advertisements

Preacher s01e05 – Judge Not

I wrote this PREACHER spec. Read it if you’ve seen the show. If you haven’t…watch the first 5 episodes, then come back and read it. Really though. Watch Preacher.

 

preacher-judge-not